Measuring love...

I saw him last night.

I went to our mutual friend's little game night social gathering for drinks and food and games...it was fun. He had his son and had plans to go to something else (he went to a h.s. production of 'The Wiz') at a theatre that was in my neck of the woods.
After, he called our friend. She'd previously invited him in the same email she'd invited me.

I'd been there for a little while before he got there. I was already tipsy and having fun. There was a man there that I would "have" just on principle 'cause he moved me like that. Woooo. But he's a friend of the hostess and he's doing "something" with another of her friends, even though everyone is single.

So, in he walks. I don't meet his eyes. We're already doing Taboo and well into it. Hostess introduces everyone around and he says "Hey...." I said "Hi." I still don't look up, though he's standing right next to me now.

He's got his son with him, too, so my wee one and his son go off to play in the Hostess' room. They're fine.

I guess he eats and gets some wine and joins us in the fun. So, he does his Taboo turn and is a hit and gives some really funny clues. Really.
And we just coexist in the same room, not relating.

Something happens with the kids, and that's when he comes to me, calls my name (which I didn't realize at first) and says wee one is doing something. I looked up and looked him directly in the eye...for the first time that night. I go...do.

And we all do our thing. So my turn comes up again and The Man is up there with me. I'm touchy feely, Hostess is now taking pictures, so he catches one of us. For one of them, he grabs me and we embrace, she takes a pic. He's about 6 feet even, maybe 6'1". I was barefoot, as we all were. He's thick, but in no way fat. Like a dude who used to work out a lot, but has gained a little weight. It felt good underhand.
So we're up there and I'm just vibing off the energy...needed a bit of testosterone in my atmosphere. This was safe because, though I have to admit I wanted 'some' (of him specifically: gat damn), he's off limits. At least...yeah, off limits.

So, we play a little more and eventually the fellas win at Taboo. Xlove's kid gets a bit sleepy, so he starts getting him ready to go.
But he sits down in a chair for a few. I took him aside, in the Hostess' bedroom.

I say to him something like (I was drunk, can't remember exactly) like ...I can't remember, but my point was that he'd cut me off, figuratively speaking and won't talk to me, but we can show that we can be in the same room together. He says, "I don't hate you." So I say, "Then what is it?"
He said he's been in a funk the last weeks and just needs to sort some things out. He said this hasn't been easy for him. I asked how so, it appears that way (that it's easy)... He says he just needs some time.
It's funny, he's visibly uncomfortable. I was leaning back against a wall, just looking up at him. I wanted to embrace him, to kiss him. Again...I was drunk. I saw him look at me and his eyes watered a bit (he wasn't drunk) and he looked away, at the TV, blinking. I have to admit that delighted me a bit.
I'm still in his heart.
It made me feel good that I'm not hurt by myself. Although...the pain is much less.
I was so horny though.

So, later, I sent him a text that I wanted him. BADLY. Gawd, I was so horny. I had help in remaining chaste though. #1, I was so drunk that I couldn't drive to go any.where. (Dammit) The former who has a crush on me again...he was out of the area, bowling. The last ex/booty call was in San Diego. He's eager though...so I'm SO GLAD that he wasn't around. And, of course, Xlove didn't answer me.

I just wanted his arms.

So, I wound up sticking around, 'cause I was DRUNK!! and couldn't even get clear enough to drive home. Woooooo.
We (another friend who came with a dude she's seeing who's friends with Hostess), that other dude, The Man, Hostess' friend who's "something"-ing with The Man, Hostess and Host Hubby sat around listening to music, drinking tea and playing Uno. Hostess' friend had to lay it down, so that left the rest of us playing...the Hostess and our friend went to lay down, too. So now I'm at a table with Host Hubby, The Man and other dude.

It's all cool and groovy and my fade gradually fades...but I'm still flirting with The Man. He lives in my city, too.
Another circumstance...he would get it. And like Meshell said, "Mad sex and when we're through, I really have no problem actin' like I don't know you..."

I fall into the house closing in on 5 a.m. this morning. Happy, having had fun, having let out the leash a little further.
Hostess gave me a book, "The Language of Letting Go."
mkay. This night helped, too.