Heart Burn

This hurts so bad.
How do people do this over and over and over.
Maybe I've never actually been here before.
It doesn't feel like I have.

I can't remember this pain before X.

I remember sadness, dejection.
I remember lonliness.
Never this.
now
I remember love

I don't remember this grief
I don't remember not feeling happiness thinking of him
I don't remember not wanting to hate
I don't remember not wanting his arms
I don't remember bone-quaking
teeth-chattering crying, sobbing
I don't remember this pain

I don't remember having my sex
masturbation
becoming an emotional minefield
I don't remember
I don't remember my heart before

I don't remember thinking
without him
I don't remember loving anyone else
I don't remember love
before I saw his words
I don't remember before I saw his face
I don't remember love before that first embrace
I don't remember home without him in it

I don't remember how I feel
I don't remember how to do
I don't remember not thinking
feeling of him
I
I remember the scent,
him alone, us together
I remember his face
smiling, frowning, twisted with expression
I remember his eyes
he loved me with them
I remember his hands
I held them, he supported me with them
I remember his lips
his voice as it passed through them
I remember his feet
on my side

I remember not wanting to reach
but I reached
I remember not having time
but I gave it
willingly
I remember not wanting to hear
but I listened
I remember wanting to listen
but he wouldn't talk
I remember not wanting to touch
and he held me

I remember open
and glad and honest
I remember happy
the heat of my skin
when he touched me, when he was near
when he loved me
when I heard him
I remember when he told me
not the same words
that I'd used
I remember he explained his depth
I remember my heart exploded
at his in-loveness
I remember me in love
with him.

(c) 2009 JRC

"Fool of Me" - Meshell Ndegeocello

I remember when you filled my heart with joy Was I blind to the truth just there to fill the space ?Cause now you have no interest in anything I have to say And I have allowed you to make me feel dumb What kind of fool am I that you so easily set me aside You made a fool of me Tell me why You say that you don?t care but we made love Tell me why You made a fool of me you made a fool of me I want to kiss you Does she want you with the pain that I do I smell you in my dreams But now when we?re face to face you won?t look me in the eye No time no friendship no love Don?t say don?t touch you I can?t touch you no more Can?t touch you any more any more I don?t touch you anymore You made a fool of me Tell me why You say that you don?t care but we made love Tell me why You made a fool of me you made a fool of me

More from artist : Me'Shell NdegeOcello More from album : Bitter