I couldn't do it.

Jan 15, 2007 9:57 pmMood: melancholy, 34 Views

The absolute yearning of one human body for another particular one and its indifference to substitutes is one of life's major mysteries. --Iris Murdoch

I stole this quote from another person's blog.I responded to her use of the quote. However, I found myself in this position just this weekend.Simply because one presents himself before me does not mean that I can partake with the same vigor and enthusiasm...that I may have had before.I think, "His kiss does not compare..." or "This doesn't feel like..."A switch is thrown and I'm not on anymore. Lights out, good night, thanks for coming. Maybe he realizes. The coward in me hopes he does.The selfish bitch in me hopes he doesn't. Either way the situation takes care of itself: nothing changes or everything/nothing changes.I craved him. But not who was in front of me, who wanted me to want him. He wanted me to feel for him what he's building for me. I can't. Not now. I did. He told me then that he didn't want me. He did not want to give me what I needed of him.Fine. I put my feelings away and moved on. It was easy. Necessary. It was done. Now he returns and requests (out of the blue) that I resurrect what he killed. Easter's not here yet.What happened? Nothing. He kissed me, I withdrew. I couldn't respond like I do with him. I don't feel that welling passion. My mind drifts to a different encounter, different face, different sensations. I rip him apart (in my head) for being everything he's always been. It's not his fault. But it is.He's just a fling right now...but I like it.He's supposed to be something more, but I'm unsure